Maybe not my usual post but a story that I think needs to be told...
My Grandpa was and is one of my my biggest hero's. He was a good man with a heart so big. I have many great memories and it's sad because I feel like some of them are already starting to blur. He left this mortal plain on September 24th 2005 and left one big empty hole for many; especially my mother who had grown so close to him in his later years and had become his "caregiver" if that's what you could even call someone who gave so endlessly of everything she had...and my uncle Steve who I have seen many night's at my grandpa's grave just sitting there alone and who still keeps his horse's in my grandpa's pasture - more I think for grandpa than as just a place to keep them. :) and of coarse my beautiful grandma Mary who misses "her man" so much it hurts to look at her when she is in thought.
Now you know what this man means to this family so here is my story...as we grow older I think that Christmas loses some of it's magic. It's a tragic part of growing up I guess. Instead of being a bright eyed kid who can't sleep and keeps looking out the window to spy a glimpse of Santa we turn into adult's and reality sets in. There are bills to pay, jobs that need attention, families to raise...the daily grind so to speak. So there it is, the magic lost and in it's place gifts or cards, shiny things, maybe some other material object which we use to fill that void.
I was blessed with the best gift of all this year when my beautiful daughter Lailah was born. Since this is her first Christmas I have been trying hard to find the spirit of the season and truthfully sometimes it felt more tedious than "magical"...and that is really sad on my part! It's not that I don't like Christmas, in fact I love it - I think I just got caught up in all the "hussle and bussle" way with which we treat things now.
Well here it is Christmas Eve 2010. We had just arrived home from a Christmas get together with my in-laws house and walked in the door and what do we see? my family had gone nuts with the presents and we had even more under the tree than when we left. There were even two fancy wreaths made of real pine that made the house smell good. I immediately started to wonder if what we had done would be enough, not that they would ever compare gift's but that's my point, when we start worrying about stuff like that the magic is gone.
Well I was walking out to our mailbox and something made me take another direction. I found myself standing at the foot of my parents drive way staring blankly at a lighted train my grandpa use to display proudly in his yard at Christmas time. I was just standing there looking at the lights for reasons I still don't know and all of a sudden a little wind catcher decoration my dad had hung in the tree above the train set started to twirl. The crazy thing is that there were several of these windcatchers (anyone who knows my dad knows that if one decoration is cool then a hundred of them is even better). Anyway, this single ornament is just twirling like crazy above my grandpa's train and it hit me...this was the good shepherd tending his flock. My beloved grandfather had made a visit to me! I think he knew that my faith needed to be restored, that I needed to have that Christmas spirit back in my life. I think he knows that I haven't been feeling it this year for some reason and I have been taking a lot of things for granted. Well grandpa, message received! Loud and clear! This little "visit" brought it all home. I have a true understanding of Christmas once again... It's not about present's, not really about giving or receiving, not about material things. It's about knowing that there is something else out there that is bigger than me, bigger than all of us. It's the celebration of Christ and keeping him in our hearts. It's about knowing that the ones we love who are gone are not really 'gone', they are still around us and they look over us and protect us.
This made me relize how truely blessed I am. I have been given the best gift of all...a family which loves me and whom I love deeply. Mom, Dad, Riss I don't say it often enough but I love you and I appreciate all that you do. I apologize for taking you for granted. The same to Tami, Frank and Ryan. Michelle, you're the best wife anyone could have. You're my best friend, I love you so much and you gave me my beautiful baby who is the light of my life...Grandpa, thank you for giving me this opportunity to remember what matters. I know your not gone and I know that you look over all of us and love us, (something your family needs to remember)
Love you,
Andy~
